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New York Post

Posted: 10:17:16 Thursday, 25 January, 2018
by Xaph
Tellin' it the way it is.

Hey! We're reportin' he-ah!

Re: New York Post

Posted: 10:28:13 Thursday, 25 January, 2018
by Xaph
10th Jan, 1971

Nixon's NASA Nod - But Did Neil Have Lamb Or Cod?

President Nixon had the former astronaut Neil Armstrong to dinner at the White House, while holding a banquet on the White House Lawn for special hand-picked NASA employees, including many of the day-to-day workers on the Apollo program, who were brought in to the swanky soiree atmosphere and given cheap alcohol while Richard, Neil, and other notable guests dined on.

Amongst those guests was Sammy Davis Jr. Sammy's inclusion lead to this hilarious photo-op, in which Sammy appears to be surprising the President from behind! We bet that sure gave him a fright - one like he might be feeling in the polls!!! In the background, Neil Armstrong claps along in the background. Clearly Sammy's got a fan, and Neil recognizes Sammy's comedic stylings as out of this world.

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After the dinner, Neil was invited to speak a few words to the assembled NASA employees, who at this stage were a good three hours into an open bar at the most secure bar in the city. Neil said some inspiring things...

BUT YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

President Nixon addressed the crowd himself, and announced that over the next three months, he was going to see to it that an additional 50 credits is invested in the space and aeronautics industry! Particular effort is going to go into the research required to develop new material and tech research, as this is sure to have many ripple effects both to NASAs projects, and industries throughout the nation. The crowd seemed pretty appreciative, and shortly after the President's speech the open bar was closed for the night.

Re: New York Post

Posted: 11:01:10 Thursday, 25 January, 2018
by Xaph
Feb 15th

Nixon Pulls Out All The Stops to THRILL a Mockingbird?!?

President Nixon recently entertained the famed, reclusive author, Harper Lee, having her over to dinner at the White House, while holding a banquet on the White House Lawn for special representatives of our nation's teaching staff, with a particular focus on teachers who work on the front lines in DC schools, who felt pretty sure they knew what was going on, but it was a Friday, and they'd been given a half day and I mean come on, an open bar's an open bar.

Among the guests at the banquet was one of the Presidential favorites - Sammy Davis Jr! Sammy shocked the whole room with a little comedic stunt of his own - we'll let the picture do the talking!!!

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That's right, Sammy snuck up behind the President - grabbing him from behind! Seen behind the pair is Harper Lee, who looks pensive - perhaps she's worried Sammy might exercise his comedic wit to snatch away her next Pulitzer Prize!

After the dinner, Harper was invited to speak to the assembled teachers on the White House lawn, but declined, choosing the earliest possible moment to get away from the building. Her absence disappointed few of the assembled teachers, who were engaged in a lively discussion about just how often they have to change the damn maps in their classrooms...

BUT YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

President Nixon addressed the crowd himself, and announced that over the next three months, he was going to ensure that an additional 50 credits was pumped into our nation's schools. He went on to explain how roughly 30% of the money would go to improving travel situations for rural areas, where populations less dense, with freedoms to be encouraged for school opening hours in such areas, regulated at state level, to allow greater flexibility in the changing requirements of the calendar year. The teachers (again with a palpable sense of what they were doing there, but also, for some of them, a little bit of libatious excitement) began to swell as the President went on to explain how the other 70% would go to urban teachers. In this case, it would be going towards improving post- and pre- school care facilities, as well as providing a good quality of nutritious food available for as many students as possible, recognizing that in an urban educational environment parents are more likely to be structured around a 9-5, and that making school as bearable as possible will be good for students in the long haul. He then added that he would like to see more coffee machines in the teachers room, and one crowd member dabbed a bit at the corner of his eye. Shortly after the speech, the open bar was closed.

The teachers were asked to hand in a three-page report (no cursive, that means you, Shelby) on the President's decision to be handed up by the following Tuesdays, no exceptions, (I don't care if your grandma's cat threw up on it!).

Re: New York Post

Posted: 04:47:55 Wednesday, 31 January, 2018
by Xaph
July 17th

I Want To Be In...America!?!

President Nixon recently opened the White House doors to the Oscar-winning actress, Rita Moreno. Moreno has made a name for herself in Hollywood as a gutsy Spanish-speaking vixen, lending both her face and voice to numerous films. As the President dined with Moreno, a banquet was held on the White House Lawn, with organizers tasked to find 'every puerto rican bus boy and bell hop in DC', at a lavish party with an open bar.

Hiding in the ranks of the party was a little prankster who likes to dish out the laughs - Sammy Davis Jr! He surprised not only the room, but the President as well, by sneaking up on him - but you don't need us to describe it - take a look!

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That's right - that little trickster grabbed the President from behind! In the background, Moreno is visible, clearly entertained by Sammy's antics - maybe she'll be inspired by Sammy next time she belts out the classics!

After the dinner, Moreno was invited to speak to the revellers on the White House Lawn, though she had trouble speaking over the impromptu music session that started, and we didn't really hear her. It was probably a good speech...

BUT YOU WONT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!

President Nixon addressed the crowd himself, after Secret Service agents temporarily commandeered the instruments. Nixon gave a speech to the crowd in English, which not all of them were 100% following, but the merriment of the night carried them through and they cheered on as Nixon praised Puerto Rico and it's people. 'I hear you guys want to be a Commonwealth, right? Well, I say...why dream small? Why not ask the Puerto Rican people if they'd like to be .... a United State of America!' Nixon went on to explain that in the next six months investments would occur in Puerto Rico and preparations put in place to put this question to a vote: where does the future of Puerto Rico lie? The reaction at the banquet was rather luke warm, as many of the party-goers got lost in Nixon's speech, but a few cheers here and there might give the President heart. Who wants to be in America?[/b]