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Special Edition: First Contact

Op-Ed
The Hour of Man



Lyndon Baines Johnson, President of the United States of America

My fellow Americans,

Next Monday I will give a speech in the UN on recent developments in the world stage. As you are surely well aware, Alien visitors from outer space have revealed their existence and touched down in the South American nation of Argentina. This, of course, will be the central focus of my speech, but I would be remiss if I led my compatriots and Humanity as a whole to believe that the extra-terrestrial entity is the sole focus of this government's agenda. We are, after all, the premier world power, and as such we must act responsibly and decisively, even in this historic moment of great commotion.

For milennia, men have looked to the stars and wondered if Humanity was all alone in that vast, great unknown. Now we know that the Lord's creation extends far beyond our awesome skies and that it has pleased His grand design to bestow sentient intelligence upon life-forms other than human, on places other than Earth. We can hardly overstate the significance of this event in our History, for it will most surely go down as the beginning of a new Era, comparable to that first feat of mastering fire, the invention of writing, the Passion of the Christ or the Declaration of Independence.

And yet, how has Humanity greeted its alien visitors? Surely we must have presented a sorry spectacle: fighting, bickering and ideological posturing fill the world stage, preventable suffering still tortures the innocent all throughout our great lands. I, for one, must humbly confess to up until very recently having been consumed by the narrow politics of the nations of Earth, that if so-and-so wins this election or wether this faction wins that war... Problems that preoccupied my, and many people's, mind, and yet it all seems so petty now in the cosmic perspective.

We have arrived upon the Hour of Man. Each of us, every human on this planet, has been chosen by God, by History, by the universe or by Fate, whatever you choose to believe, to play a pivotal role in the history of our species. Make no mistake, the decisions and actions we make in the immediate future will shape the story of Humanity as a whole, for we can no longer afford the delusion of being divided into nation, race, religion, ideology or class, lest our visitors' lower motives seize upon these divisions, and bring upon us ruin rather than salvation.

Earlier today, and in the name of Humanity, I ordered all of the United States' Armed Forces to stand down, immediately halt every operation, and turn their attention to the process of aiding the civilian populations in their respective areas so that we may begin the difficult, yet urgent, task of negotiating lasting peace in every conflict in which we are involved. Likewise, I make an honest plea to every man and woman of good heart and conscience to do the same: people of Earth, lay down your weapons and solemnly vow to never again make war on your own kind. We are beset by an opportunity, a risk and a challenge unlike any we have ever known or could ever concieve. Each one of us must now devote him or herself to building Peace. As we go to our respective places of worship to pray for Humanity's fate, let us remember the wise words of the Teacher from Nazareth: "...if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift."

Have Faith. Be strong. Fight for peace, fight for it with all your heart.

God bless you, God bless America, and may God bless Mankind.

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Ufology: from fringe belief to the foremost field of science
An interview with Joseph T. Barnes, Ufologist and spokesman for the PEUA

... Now you've got everyone knocking down my door. And, sure, there's a lot of charlatans out there, as there have always been, but we have very quickly come together like never before. The International Ufology Conference was a major success, and from it the Planet Earth Ufologists Association (PEUA) not only emerged but successfully lobbied major Universities for tenure for its top leaders. Not that the Deans needed much convincing, really. It truly is nothing short of amazing to see a field to which I've dedicated my life go from basically an underground fan-club into becoming a structured, respected and celebrated field of science in pretty much a matter of weeks.

What do you think of MIT's announcement that it will create a Ph.D. in Ufology?

I think it's wonderful, but frankly a little small-minded for my taste. I'll be honest with you, the world is changing faster and more thoroughly that anyone has really even had time to understand. What we need now are Universities, entire campuses devoted entirely to the studying the extra-terrestrial opportunity/threat. There are already projects in the works for this, because, clearly, it just won't do to institute a graduate program under the supervision of many departments, as MIT is proposing, but rather we need an entire educational structure dedicated to Ufology, starting in high school, and with specialized universities that themselves have different departments for Ufology's different sub-fields, which are rapidly expanding and multiplying as we speak.

What is the PEUA position on the events in Bolivia?

As we stated in our Congress's closing statement, our policy is that of Guarded Curiosity. It would be dangerous to assume that every Alien life-form is a Hollywood-style invader, but it is just as dangerous (if not more) to slavishly give in to mindless adoration and obedience as the Posadists have reportedly done. For whatever reason, the Aliens seem to have formed some sort of alliance with a fringe faction of the Communist ideology, or, at least, that is as far as we know, we cannot know for sure because the information is so scarce. What we do know is this: the army of Bolivia has fallen with alarming speed and strength, this is all the more reason for the governments of the world to devote just as many resources and attention as they have in the past poured into their nuclear and space programs and use it to grow and specialize a whole new generation of professional Ufologists. Luckily, many of us are already here, strewn across the world, experts after decades of vigilant study and speculation, even as most mainstream scientists (and even your own publication, I might add) mocked us for our efforts. But here we are, ready to help out, prepared and willing to lend our knowledge, whatever it may be, for the benefit of Mankind. As President Johnson said, we are all Humans. I think that's a good basic sentiment from which we can work.

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Travel

A Tennessee Lady in the Human Zone: Reports from the American Eagles' Frontlines

Evelyn Houston, special correspondent

As the sun bore down on the main campus of the University of New Mexico, in Albuquerque, I took a good look at the pudgy, balding White man in front of me and confirmed, once again, that neither he nor his ugly faux-formal professor's clothes were worth another second of my time.

"Excuse me, I'm terribly sorry, Dr. Fatmore" I lied. "I forgot I have to call my editor at this hour," I lied again.

"Oh.. okay then," said the sweating red-faced man, even more disgusting now that I realized just how perfectly accustomed and content he was to be bossed around by everyone, "but do hurry back, though, the tour leaves in one hour, and I haven't even started to explain the significance of the occasion!"

I hurried back towards a public phone in the middle of the main square. As I pressed the keys and waited for the operator to patch me through, I overheard a thin, unwashed middle-aged bespectacled man with a long, but not very thick, beard speak slowly to a small group of unwashed young men and women, who wore colorful clothing that, like his, reeked with all the look of poor fabric: "...and so you see, my brothers, the hour has come to us at last... people are waking up all over the world, new religions are forming, the empires are falling..." The thin man spoke with all the severity and vigor of an enthusiast of reefer.

"Yes, Carlton? Yeah, it's me. Yeah, look, you gotta find someone else to do the Carslband piece, ok? It's too much fluff for me... And what am I supposed to with it? This is just a spooky tour for ignorant tourists who want to feel involved because they saw a weird rock! It's stupid, Carlton, it's downright degrading and you know it."

Just then, another group of young people arrived at the square. These were better dressed, walked upright and seemed well-fed, a striking contrast to the other group (why, these new arrivals looked like they showered now and then) and gathered around a park bench from which a tall, very handsome young man began to speak.

"No, you listen to me, Carlton, I'm the best reporter you've got and you know it. Before all this started I was about to go on a trip of Red China, remember? Travel section, now venturing into the geopolitical fray, right in the thick of it! And now what? Caves? Are you even listening to yourself? And I know it's not just me, Carlton, Margaret over at HR told me that all the women reporters are being called back into domestic assignments... What, you think the Aliens are gonna care if their cyborg prisoners are pretty or not?"

The tall man started to speak. "Guys, friends, everyone! Listen to me! At this very moment, a new squadron of the American Eagles is leaving from Florida to the Human Zone. They're guys from all over the country, young and old, and many students just like us. They have veterans with them, ok? They know how to fight."

"Oh, shut up!" Said the leader of the first group, suddenly sounding quite sober. "You're just gonna get yourselves killed!"

"Yeah, yeah, hold on Carlton..." I held my hand over the speaker end of the phone, but Carlton wouldn't stop talking, "I'm going to have to call you back." I hung up the phone and approached the tall man, almost hypnotized by his deep voice and square jaw, but also by the prescient sense that this public argument could be my ticket out of the Carslbands.

"Now, everyone," the tall man continued, "regardless of what you may think about Vietnam, this is different," everyone nodded, save for the sullen hippie leader. "The future of humanity is at stake!" (hear, hear) "Now, no one's asking us to go into the shelters or to leave our way of life, not yet, but I'll be god damned if I'm going to just sit here and listen to Professor Fatmore ramble on about the ethics of Plato while the Soviets and the Cubans go down there and run the show!" This last part was greeted by many cheers and a few yeahs, one of which might have been mine.

"Oh, and what good is that going to do us, huh?" Screamed the man leading the hippie group, his voice shrill and unpleasant now that it was out of a haze, "You're just going to show the Aliens that humanity's all a sad cabal of warlike apes! They're going to sterilize us for it!"

"Now, old man," answered the tall speaker, "go back to your commune and leave saving the world to the real men, now, why don't you?"

As the two speakers went to and fro, I approached another man who was standing just behind the tall speaker. He seemed to be collecting names from men who were interested. "Sorry, lady" he said as I approached him, "no women allowed."

"What??!! That's just ridiculous!" I said, "did Washington reject women during the Revolutionary War?"

"Well, actually..." was his sorry response, but I was already off, storming to find my way into the Eagles movement, and into the climax of history.

"Now you listen to me you stinking ape!" I screamed, face to face with the hippie man and so loud that everyone in the square went silent. "These men are risking their all, ok??" I turned to the public for dramatic effect, "These young men and women are willing to give up their lives here in the most beautiful and comfortable place in the whole wide world to go sweat and fight in some godforsaken Latino backwater for the sake of the planet," I turned back to the coward, now a trembling and diminished presence avoiding my gaze, "So tell me: are you going to allow them to be brave? Or will you continue to insist that all of America be every bit as yellow as yourself?"

The hippie said nothing other than stammering and crumbling to the floor, seemingly prepared to cry and whimper while everyone else cheered. "Gee, lady!" Said the tall and handsome speaker, blue eyes drawing me in even as he adopted a casual tone, "where'd you learn to speak like that?"

"Well, my father's a Union man, and my grandma a Suffragette before him." I answered, still shocked at my own composure.

"I gotta say, it sure shows... I take it you wanna leave with us, then? My name's Alfred Edison, everyone calls me Al, what about you?"

"M-hm. Evelyn Houston, The New York Times." I shook his hand.

"Right, Ms. Houston. I take it you're on assignment then to see our recruitment efforts?"

"Much more than that, Mr. Edi- I mean, Al. I'm here to report on that but also to find passage to the Human Zone along with the Eagles."

"Really?" He leaned his smiling head, "I'm surprised they'd let a lady like you to go off in such a dangerous mission."

"Well, there's a lot you don't know about me, Al. And don't worry about my editor, I plan on sending my first piece from the airport. They won't have much of an option then, now, will they?" I leaned myself.

"You know what," Alfred said, laughing, "Come along. I think you're gonna do just fine."

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President Johnson Honors Troops Killed in Bolivia

In a ceremony in the National Mall yesterday, the Presidents saluted the caskets of the men fallen in the Bolivian line of duty.

"With they sacrifice they laid the foundation for Human freedom," the President said, "It now falls to us to honor that sacrifice and continue the American leadership in the planetary effort."

Plans were also announced for a new monument to these fallen, to be....

Anti-War Movement "Dead and Buried"

As race riots die down, police all over the country are reporting a newfound environment of national peace. It seems that the peace agreement for the Vietnam conflict, along with the newfound Alien threat, has effectively destroyed whatever momentum was held by the left-wing hippie mobilizations.

"It used to be you had a march every month or so," says California County Commissioner Bernard Mericourt, "Now, you couldn't find a hippie at a reefer store!"

With all the emotion coming out of Europe....

Editorial: A Message for De Gaulle

The New York Times Editorial Board wishes to congratulate Charles De Gaulle on his prescient, prudent and above all wise leadership, whose usefulness and effective virtues have been laid out for the world to see in the recent events in Paris. We can only hope that this visionary man continue to guide us...

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Culture

Spare a Thought for the Heroes of Mankind

Give them a thought, will you?

I've been to Church and the pastor has said: "let us pray for those brave soldier boys out there."

It came to me, as cold as night
chill as death
and clear as day:
there they are, alone in space

Holed up in jungle fortresses and machine gun nests

Surrounded by monsters of steel and flesh
Light that burns and beams that glare.


A "Human Zone" they call it, but it's communists I see

The real heroes are inland in the forest and the trees.

Holding back the darkness, protecting you and me
Comforting the children and they whisper: "you stay here"

"Stay where we can see you,
Stay where we can fight."

"Stay near the marines on this dreadful earthly night."


So come on, everybody, stop the nonsense now,
Yes, yes even you who is quoting Chairman Mao,

Come down to the village,
light a candle, say a prayer,

Spare a thought for the heroes.
They're our candle
and our prayer.